Old diaries

A note to school friends

So, I entered to my designated room in my home at Chitwan which is at the maximum height of one stored house (including ground floor), after so many months. Mostly my room smelled like same as the place where people don’t stay much and some kind of unpleasant smell just made my way to nose, still then I choose not to focus on that. 

It appeared to be as stock room or store room where you put your all unused things. Here, I have a carton full of books to the left side of entrance which is leaning on the wall and green zebra bag (local language!) leaning on those cartons. Also, the rooms contains blanket and warm bed sheets which we need in winter. A good sofa set is the facility that I admire the most in my room on which I am lying down right now!

Before that, I was checking my old cupboard where my past memories are connected. On the right side of it, there was my school shirt hanging. Before last day (i.e. 2063/12/28) of school we filled and decorated our white shirt with the message and blessing for the future. And, mine shirt was safe resting inside. I almost had forgotten (how could I?) that I had something very precious preserved which will give my school days a spot light on present Every school moments  just came spontaneously and I had this all visual playing at the back of my head. Scattered dots finally got a picture! Let me write some of the common message–Let success kiss your feet– Be successful person—happy new year—don’t forget us! FORGET! (I can’t) but let me ask, “Did we know what success meant for us that time?”(it was just an another word for me in dictionary having the meaning clear but no significance in real.)

*Success* is too vague word and I still don’t get it, “What it means to be successful for me, for us and for all?” Every individual I met and talk defines and justifies and illustrate with his or her own flavor integrated with their experience of joy, misery and sorrow. Does successful person mean an ideal person with perfect ideology towards life? Does success come with wining our own psychological conflict? Is Success a state or a destination? Does it have ladder embedded in it to reach at its peak? Is it a state of satisfaction or an illusion? Every time I think I have accomplished something important, some other challenges just appear surprisingly without prior knowledge and I get busy trying resolving it. So, SUCCESS hasn’t actually flown in my veins. Perhaps, I have lot to encounter and experience the brighter and the darkest side of life. May be it’s too near or maybe it’s too far?( I don’t care.) For sure, I will never stop fantasying and dreaming about, how successful person look like? If I ever sharpen my artistic skill then I will make a sketch of it and share with you all. Or, whenever I will get verses then, I will share a poem with you. (I promise!)

Well, school days…!!(Ahhh!!!!!)

Do you know Karma has cycled back around and it’s has restored the cosmic balance of the entire teacher I tortured as a youngster? (Isn’t it beautifully said? Found in an article and I just paraphrased it.) Yes! Yes! I am primarily working as teacher in my Fellowship program. A mathematics teacher! Again back to the race to find the solutions of a problem given with numbers incarcerate in it, but now as guardian, as a facilitator, as a motivator and as an exemplar for the kids who hardly knew basic operations of Mathematics before I joined.

I teach in government schools named Chandeshwori Ma.Vi. In Simle which is located on remote part of Sothern Lalitpur. Yes! It is Lalitpur and remote as well. Let me give you some picture of it. No road accessibility to my village. I had to walk maximum 5-6 hours during monsoon time and in other session 1-2 hours for new people visiting the village, for me I climb up in 45 minutes without load and about 1.5 hours with load. No proper water facility to my village. In monsoon, there is not much problem of water; in other session water scarcity is a major issue. It is solely monotonous Tamang community. People still believe in ghost, witch exist (most of the urban people still do) and also धामी, झाक्री are the doctors for most of the people and they refer to them whenever they get ill. Majority of the people don’t have awareness to build toilet in their home. If they could afford to make a one, sadly there is no sufficient water to maintain the cleanliness. Ok! Now let’s not make you all bore. That’s my choice of living and I choose this; however i don’t blame anyone for this neither I regret for my way. Instead, I feel myself lucky enough to serve this community as Teacher, as a Leader, as a change initiator, as a Teach for Nepal Fellow basically!

How come I teach in school and would not remember you anyway? You all are fresh in my memories every single day when I wake up and get ready for school. (Though, I can’t assure your feelings resemble with mine.) At the same, I wish to go to school with everyone again with our old school uniform. I wish I could relive those days, those moments again. I wish, I could ask questions in curious manner (not in an irritate sense). I wish, I could redo those moments where intentionally or unintentionally I had hurt people and say *SORRY*. I wish, I had been mindful with my thoughts and opinions before putting on the floor. I wish I would have respected my every teacher equally and fairly which would have boosted my positive character since that time (I strive so hard to get this optimism trait after school). I wish, I had replaced that over confident boy with confident boy so that I would have learnt to be humble to other. Being teacher was not an easy job nor is it. Being teacher is the most challenging, more responsible job yet rewarding profession. At the end of the day, happiness just chooses to foster me divinely which leads to certain satisfaction and ultimately mold me to more guided path on how to teach with lot of enthusiasm and curiosity.  Definitely, this Fellowship is teaching me more than I expected. I am grateful to the existence of Teach for Nepal and Wendy Koop who started this movement globally.

I also want to take a moment to express my heartfelt gratitude towards every one of you who came in my life as schools mates. You all have certain kind of impact and influence in shaping the ME character in me. School days were awesome and you were all best mates till now (I swear!). I also wish everyone with a happy journey towards individual endeavor that we choose to step in. I hope the mental trademark that we have for our self and our loved ones will certainly fulfilled with joy. Also, we all know that,  inevitably there will be days when we will fail, we will feel confused, we will start losing hope on our own dream, we will feel shattered, our heart will instill pounding due to fear, and we will shiver remembering our future , then remember the truth that I am going to share with you all, now! I found that on a book (The Leader who had no title) written by Robin Sharma and it touched and inspired me at the same. “It’s about farmer. S/he plants a seed, and then they water the crop and then put manure to fertilize the soil. But for a time period nothing seems to be happening and all that hard work seems to be worthless. And, yet farmer does not give up. The farmer doesn’t run into the field and starts digging to find the vegetables. The farmer has patience and trusts the process. He just has the faith and deep understanding that through his daily efforts, the harvest will come. And, then one day almost out of nowhere it does.” I believe that our Karma on whatever we are striving and thriving for is same as farmer. So, get your wheels rolling!

Also, Perseverance with hope and positive energy will always lead to better tomorrow. Whenever we start seeing the full stop (.) in things we are doing or we are involved into then we need to find that power to turn our dream button on and seek another two virtual full stops following the previous full stop (…) I.e.to be continued! Never give up! Also, let’s not be in a state of illusion that higher the degree more happy we will be in life. Happiness comes with satisfaction in heart not by a piece of paper. If we are satisfied with whatsoever we have and achieved, then it’s absolutely fine. Looking and evaluating the relative achievement with friends only gives us unnecessary worry and misery which will act as a slow poison to kill us. So, let’s be happy and seek for our satisfaction. This is what I pray and wish for in this Dashain 2071.  This is what I look for in all our lives.

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